Carried to the Ground: Navigating Kinship, Solitude, and the Middle Hearth
Dating is strict in the Kadazandusun Murut Rungus (KDMR) community in Sabah, Malaysia. The person I choose to be romantic and/or sexual with should also undergo a family assessment. Too much individuality or anything done solely by oneself is seen as betraying the family or leaving the family for someone new. The family has raised me for decades; only for me to be with a person I have met for a few months or years implies betrayal.
My family members used to tell me that when I die, I will not bury my corpse by myself. The community or the people will do it instead, performing some rituals with the community to bury me. I think this makes sense.
What pushes me towards individualism is that my family and my wider family have toxic traits. It suggests to me that I should adapt to this, but at the same time, individualism is comfortable for me. Maybe what I need is not individualism driven by toxicity, but to treat them well, adapt, and do my best in interacting with them.
